Sunday, June 12, 2011

Life with Lulu and Some Other Stuff


Okay, so this dog? I am totally loving this having a dog thing.

(The big dog in the photos is Doug and Mary's dog, Jake. They are both German Shorthair Pointers.)

I resisted, I protested, I came up with a million and one reasons why we should NOT get a dog. We already have enough mouths to feed around here, puppies are a lot of work, what would we do with a dog when we go out of town? Where will the dog sleep? What if the dog barks and wakes up Sawyer? What if we get a BAD dog? Veterinary bills! The rising cost of dog food! Fleas! And on and on and on. I envisioned chewed up shoes and puddles of pee and even more whining and whimpering than is typical in our household which, as you can imagine, is at MAXIMUM CAPACITY right now. In short, I was dead set against this dog thing.

But while I was busy picturing all of the inconveniences that go along with having a dog, I forgot that having a puppy is really a lot of fun. Really. The puppy breath! The sound of little doggy toenails coming down the hallway! The infectious playfulness! The unconditional affection! The snuggly squishiness of a new puppy! So yeah, let the record show that Brent was right and I was wrong. (I am sure I will regret typing that last sentence, but for now I am basking in the warm glow of dog ownership and maybe not thinking clearly.)

And as far as those inconveniences go, having a puppy is actually a lot like having a two year old. In other words, we were already prepared for the housebreaking and the chewing and the whining in the middle of the night. In fact, this dog is a lot like Sawyer. They both gobble down food like its their last meal, sleep a lot, pee on the floor, and require constant supervision. It's a good thing they are both so cute.

One more week of work to go! Sometimes I feel sorry for myself since I have to work full time and I'd rather be home with the kids (and the puppy!!) but then summer comes along and suddenly this working mom thing isn't so bad after all. One more week! One more week! The end of the school year is hectic, to say the least, and what teacher hasn't found him or herself running to Staples on a school night for an item that's desperately needed for the next day? I had to get a memory card for the video camera I was using and you probably know that technology is not exactly mah thang, but I enlisted the help of a tech savvy friend (hi Marian!) and so I knew just what I was looking for. The sun was shining and I was feeling a bit like Superhero Working Mom so I piled the kids into the bike trailer so that they could accompany me on this quick errand.

Quick errand. SPOILER ALERT! No errand with kids is ever quick.

The bike ride was pleasant enough, but the wind was blowing against me which meant that I was traveling at about 2 miles per hour. No biggie. I can handle a little wind resistance. Endurance! Fresh air! We arrived at Staples and I wisely put Sawyer into the shopping cart and foolishly let Jack walk on his own. As soon as we entered the store I became totally overwhelmed by the plethora of office supplies and it was soon evident that some assistance would be required. I hailed a friendly sales associate who helped me locate the memory cards and during my 30 second conversation with her, Sawyer climbed up and balanced precariously on the seat as Jack began pushing the shopping cart wildly down the aisle knocking over a row of displayed printer cartridges.

I began to apologize profusely to the lady who was helping me as I attempted to control my children, who were laughing hysterically thinking they were SO FUNNY. They kept trying to ram the shopping cart into the displays and I am telling you, it was like trying to capture deranged monkeys who had just escaped from a zoo. They were awful. I was totally humiliated. At last I managed to scoop Sawyer up and put the Mom Grip of Death around Jack's arm and the sales associate mercifully pushed our cart up to the check stand.

Sawyer was wrestled back into the shopping cart seat and I cinched up that safety belt as tight as it would go. I squeezed Jack's torso between my legs to keep him immobile and began digging around my purse. Then I noticed that I had forgotten the money. Because OF COURSE I HAD FORGOTTEN THE MONEY!

I almost cried.

But then I laughed. And thank god, so did the sales associate. And then she told me about her two kids and we had one of those parenting bonding moments where you talk about how you really had NO IDEA what you were in for when the lines on that stick turned pink. And then I dragged my children out of the store and NO SHOCKER HERE nobody wanted to get in the bike trailer. Because OF COURSE NOBODY WANTED TO GET IN THE BIKE TRAILER! But I am bigger and stronger and so I manhandled them into their little safety harnesses, gritting my teeth and resisting the urge to "accidentally" pinch anyone's chin with the bike helmet clip. I felt a tap on my shoulder and thought for sure that Child Protective Services must have ESP and they know that I'm a terrible mom- the kind who would pinch her child's chin deliberately with a bike helmet clip- and my kids are totally out of control and now they've come to take us all away! But it was only a nice older gentleman who handed me one of Jack's shoes that had been lost in the chaos.

Somehow the wind had changed directions and it was blowing against me again on the way home. Only this time the kids were screaming and kicking each other so I had to pull over and confiscate everybody's shoes and make the idle threat of a time out RIGHT HERE on THIS VERY bike path. Oh. My. God.

And then! And then! As I pedaled into the wind and turned around frequently to scold my horrible deranged monkey children, I must have veered slightly to the right side of the bike path and was nearly plowed into by LANCE ARMSTRONG! Well, maybe it wasn't him, but they all look alike at that speed. I am pretty sure he was about to lecture me about the importance of staying to the left but thought better when he saw the look in my eye. I would have sicced the children on him.

Look! It's summer! Almost.

Umm. I hesitate to show you this next set of pictures because it's just so weird and we all know that there is a certain level of weirdness that goes on in this household, but this is weird even by our weird standards. Jack has a... uh, problem? with getting his toenails cut. Like seriously, is there a groomer you can take your kids to? I think he needs a muzzle and maybe a team of trained professionals to hold him down for his weekly pedicure.

Sawyer will just sit there and let you cut his toenails. I have no idea why this is so traumatizing for Jack. Clearly he has issues.

Deranged monkey children. I have deranged monkey children. At least the dog seems normal. So far.


  1. love it. lol...i have been dealing with a deranged monkey child of my own for a couple of years now and am feeling quite overwhelmed. sure is good to hear that someone else is dealing with this same level of craziness!! wish we lived closer and sooo sad we will be gone fourth of july when you come thru.

  2. Oh Cassadie, who knew you were such a comedian. I roll around laughing just reading your posts! Your boys are adorable despite being deranged monkeys. I can't wait to see you and all my friends at FRMS again before the end of the school year. I've missed you all. Teresa Hager