For Chelsey

Halloween 2010- thank gawd that's over. I mean I've only been costume planning since August and all, but really I'm feeling ready to move on to bigger and better things, like Christmas! Yes, I know what you're thinking: Christmas?! WTF? It's barely November! But I have somehow become the person who starts thinking about the holidays waaaay in advance and obsessing over every minor detail to the point that I ruin the holidays by stressing out the people around me. Well, not quite... but there was that one Halloween when I was frantically (and grouchily) sewing a puppy suit on the afternoon of... And that's exactly why I've been planning this Halloween since August. I can learn from my mistakes.

So yeah, about Christmas. I'm excited! Already!

Back to Halloween. Jack got to dress up in his costume for preschool on Friday and posed for a shot with his old buddy Quentin. The Jack/Quentin friendship has endured some trying times this year, what with the new kid, Eden, joining the class. Jack and Eden hit it off and Jack's been snubbing Quentin whenever Eden is around. Quentin's mom even recounted to me an incident when Jack was holding hands with Eden and wouldn't let Quentin hold his other hand. Gaah- the drama! And so it begins...

Here's Jack with his preschool class. Pay special attention to the teacher with the long, brown hair. She'll come into our story later. (Eden was absent that day. He seems to have an attendance problem. I'm rooting for Quentin.)

Fall can be beautiful. Fall can be crisp and clean. Fall can also be a rainy, muddy mess. We stocked up on rain boots and I about threw a hissy fit at Fred Meyer about the fact that apparently only girls wear raincoats since the boys' section had none. Blatant sexism! I am so SICK of retailers who cater to girls- boys need cute clothes (and raincoats) too, you know! What the hell, Fred Meyer, what the hell? (I told you it was a hissy fit. I am still mad.)

And then it was the BIG DAY! Jack and I had been rehearsing the whole trick-or-treat routine and he seemed to have it down pat. Sawyer, as usual, was just along for the ride and dressed in the aforementioned puppy suit, which is now in its third year of use, thankyouverymuch. Our first stop was Doug and Mary's house. We pulled up in front and I quickly reviewed the procedure with Jack, "Take only one piece of candy" "Don't forget to say thank you" etc. He had his game face on. His eye was on the prize. This kid was ready! He shot me a confident grin, scrambled up the steps, and tapped gingerly on the door.

Little did we know, Grandpa Doug was in costume, too.

And as you can imagine, that did not go over so well with Sawyer. He may be traumatized for awhile. If not by the fact that his grandpa was wearing the monster mask, then for sure by the fact that his mother laughed uncontrollably and snapped pictures instead of coming to his rescue. Oops.

Nothing a little candy in the car on the way home couldn't fix.

Then it was time for dinner with Lily (Tinkerbell) and family and some trick-0r-treating around the block. The kids made a haul and we survived the entire ordeal without rain and with minimal antics (Sawyer managed to run into a few houses...)

And now it's all over and we are stuck with a mountain of candy and two cracked out kids who apparently think about NOTHING but candy from morning until night. I'm not sure what we are going to do about all of this sugar lurking around the house. Jack is way too skeptical for us to pull some sort of candy fairy business (the kid is already questioning the logistics of Santa!) and I simply cannot bear the idea of keeping it around and doling it out piece by piece. So far our strategy has been to let the kids have a piece after dinner and then Brent and I gorge ourselves after they go to bed. I guess at this rate that candy will be gone in no time...

(I think it's worth mentioning that Brent used a drill to carve one of the pumpkins this year. I'm not making any sort of statement, not passing any judgement, just letting you know that power tools were used on our Halloween decor this year. It was a git-er-done sort of Halloween, I suppose.)

And now I'd like to tell you about my new friend Chelsey. She's a friend of a friend, and you know how these things go... you're never quite sure when that line is crossed from being friend-of-friend to actual friend, but because Chelsey is now my facebook friend and because we have discussed things like whether or not I am too old to wear skinny jeans (she says I am not!) and because now she has been to my house to drink copious amounts of wine, Chelsey is my friend.

But this story takes place last summer, before the wine and the talk of skinny jeans and the facebook friending. Back when Chelsey was just a friend of a friend. I was at the park with the kids and they were being particularly annoying and so I was basically ignoring them and standing around wishing some adult would come and amuse me with witty conversation. No takers. But then I saw Chelsey and she came over and we started to chat it up about how annoying my kids were being and how kids are just annoying in general. And in my attempt at humor I made some comment about bringing them to the park so I could ignore them and talk to adults and blah blah blah. She told me she was there watching a friend's kid and I said something along the lines of "How did you get suckered into that?" and ha ha and more blah blah blah. I knew that Chelsey had recently gotten a new job and so I asked her where she was working.

And then she turned and looked at me like I was insane.

Which I am.

Because IT WASN'T CHELSEY I had been talking to! It was one of Jack's preschool teachers! And I am the biggest dumbest LOSER ever. What could I do? I had to own it. And now Jack's preschool teacher knows what a terrible mother I really am! She has never looked at me the same since.

And so, Chelsey, please return to the top photo to see that, in fact, you really don't resemble her as much as I had convinced myself that you did. Damn it!

In conclusion, Halloween is over, Sawyer will need therapy, I got a picture of the teacher to show Chelsey (!!), and there is now further proof in the growing body of evidence to support the idea that I am a total dork. As if you couldn't tell by that last sentence.

Anybody want any candy?

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